By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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