His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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