this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
