Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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