I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
