did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
