Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
