it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
