you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
