you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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