Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
