i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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