So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
