i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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