hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize