So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
