everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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