Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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