Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
