she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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