Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
