I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
