i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
