It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
