he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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