every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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