You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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