apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
