at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This girl is more easily done than said...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
