homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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