yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
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I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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