she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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