i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize