At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
