Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
