I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
