my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
