Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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