I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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