I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
