Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
