my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
