I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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