Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
