bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im holly from the hills drunk
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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