maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
