Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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