you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
