My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
