At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
