I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
