Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well you can't waste a boner
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
