part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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