Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
