i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
