Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
