Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
