she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
