This is not my ceiling
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
