I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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