If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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