He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
