I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
