And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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