I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
