i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize