how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
