Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He felt like a one man threesome
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
