he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wow bdsm is so cute
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