is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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