wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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