You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
