mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
