I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A+ Viking dick
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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