I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
